being god is a tough job :-)

Fear creeps in.....

2009-09-16T08:30:00.000-07:00

When people come to me with problems, i have always tried to get them out of it. Not sure if i have really helped any of them. But when, people come to me for sorting out their problems, it was a cakewalk for me. They are not my problems and i never get affected by them. Sometimes few of them, wont look like a problem at all for me.But then, i have never let anyone down stating the above. Well facing all those and trying to help, made me a different person altogether.

There was a time, where i was so confident about me not facing a single problem in future. When people look up to you, you shall really have that confidence. But then, as people say, sailing the sea is not always smooth. At the beginning i expected the sea to be a little rough, i had the confidence to sail through it. But i never expected a storm and the best part was i was not able to forecast too. The pace at which it shattered my confidence was too fast, before i could realize what was happening i was among the debris of my own life.

I was putting up a brave face, because i had to meet the people for whom i have solved problems in the past. Especially when people see me as different guy, i cannot show them that my confidence is broken. When you put up a false face, that's where the fear creeps in. It slowly takes over you and in no time, you are the not the person, whom you once used to be.

I am not stating that i was strong before, but to put in exact words, i was not tested before. And now with a situation in hand, it's really hard to judge myself.
Judging myself, was one part of the puzzle, rest was solving it. Internal conflicts and emotional tantrums takes me for a ride at times. I still believe i have answers for all the questions of mine. Of course anybody who can pause and think can answer and i am of that kind.

I can see a little light shining in distant. I believe, its sunshine but there is also a little fear of it being a lightning. Journey continues as of now...Let the end be revealed soon....

Freedom......

2009-01-25T19:45:00.000-08:00

Few decades back the word freedom means, one country getting freed from another. Now the meaning of the word has gone through lot of changes and you just can’t fix one synonym for it. But all these meanings have got one thing in common and that’s called complaining. We always have problems with others when it comes to doing things which we love the most. Things which we love to do are always reviewed by others or dependent on others, so we really don’t have the freedom to control those. And as usual we complain about it or fight for it.

In between all these, there is question which keeps on striking me for a while now. The question is “Do we really give the freedom to our self, which we always expect from others?” Well to put that question in clear way “Do we really allow our self or give permission to do things which we really like? “ how many times we have not done something because, we don’t want to look bad before others or we don’t want to fail in that thing. We don’t really allow ourselves to be free of such thoughts. We always limit ourselves in doing things. Even a small thing looks seemingly impossible. It is the mind which controls our action. We always put a boundary to our mind, so that it can’t think beyond that. And we make those boundaries because we are afraid to be powerful. We all have a common notion that power makes us insecure in someway or the other. And we don’t exactly know how it does. So what’s the point in feeling insecure about that?

So next time, before we complain about our freedom being denied by others we just have to think of giving freedom to ourselves. And of course fighting for freedom and giving freedom both needs courage. You need to have that thing in yourselves or else freedom is always a distant dream. If you really feel that you have that courage then sure try being god for at least one day

the roller coaster-expectation...

2008-12-07T07:09:00.000-08:00

I found a very interesting relation between a roller coaster and expectations in life (especially if you are expecting something from someone). I don’t know if it connects for the person who reads it. As far as I am concerned, this is the best way of connecting it.

You must have seen a roller coaster go around the track. That thing has got no brake or any acceleration thing. It just goes up, down or around just by the kinetic and potential energy. Once it is started from its initial position, it just goes on according to the track. And if you are in it, the most important thing that you need to remember is “you can never ever drive it the way you want”. You just need to hang on and go along with it.

And if you are going to complain on not able to drive the thing, I don’t know how the roller coaster will take it. I don’t think it will care for those things, because even it doesn’t know, when it is going to turn, slide or even slip.

And I find this, strikingly similar to the people who put their expectations on others. I don’t know if they really believe in turning one’s path. For those who believe in that I have a warning for you “Roller coaster has every chance of slipping”. Then instead of enjoying the ride, you have to weep (I wonder if that will happen) for the disaster caused by the expectations.

the foot prints

2008-11-17T08:40:00.000-08:00

It’s a long journey along the shores of the beach. And it all started well for boy. Walking was never a problem for him at the start. He just started as everyone, in the shades of his protectors. And walking didn’t fascinate him at first. He just saw his protectors leave a foot mark for him to follow. But at times he was surprised about the way in which they left a foot mark for him. But he blindly followed them till the time it was visible. Then the boy was shown a path, a path which was different from the direction of his protectors.

The boy realized that he has to go on in his own way from there. And at that time only he realized how important it is to leave a foot mark on his own. But the path which he chose was not deserted. He started his journey in a direction, watching carefully all the foot marks he makes. He was really fascinated to do it on the own. But the real distraction came when he saw other foot prints on the sand. He found some of them interesting and others were not much attractive to him. His curiosity for other foot prints made him forget about his own. But that was not really a concern for him at that time. There were so many foot prints, which crossed him, which he crossed, which were made with his help and the help with which he made. It was all a big confusion, a confusion which is often loved by people of certain age.

One fine day, he found himself walking alone, with no foot prints around. And only at that time, he was able to see the foot prints which he had made all the way. When he started the journey on his own, he had a desire of leaving his foot mark in a certain way. But that is not the way it is now. At that point of time, he didn’t regret about what had happened in his journey or blamed anyone for making it happen like that. But he learnt how to go on. He realized “only his legs can make the foot marks and all the others can just have an impact in making those. Impacts can be of varying effects. But the most important thing is he making his own foot prints.” Realizing that, he just continued to walk along the shore with more consciousness.

Locked up home

2008-10-04T10:03:00.000-07:00

Life was good once. It was filled with lot of fun. For the past 8 to 10 years, i had a responsibility. that is come home from school or college and again start to home. Yeah its home,another home i would say. And i called it as responsibility, because everyone one of us will report to our family members directly or indirectly daily. You will make your presence felt in your home, even in your busiest time by at least talking a word or two. And people at home will also know, that you are in good shape. Well its a kind of everyday activity. And i had to do that in 2 places. Of course one is my house and other is my pal's house. Over a period of years, it almost became my house. Where i will walk in and walk out anytime. Eat, sleep, play, chat and i didnt see any difference between both homes. And of course people in there also took me as part of their family. So i just passed very important part of life in these places. Every evening i just leave to my second home and spend time with friends over there. Days were actually fun. And everything was smooth. And I didnt really think of something was waiting. A turn in path of everyone's life. The road which we travelled so far was one. And now when it diverged, it lead me to path where there was no second home.

All i can see is a locked up door. When my second family moved out of town, i was left in the streets. And you cant really blame anyone for this situation. It is just a outburst of emotions from my side. All i can see now is a house with no life in it. And what seems to be a fun yesterday is now an emotion. I can just rewind all that happened in that house and feel happy about it. But it can never quench my thirst for second home. Certainly at any point of time in life, i would like to see that house open again and filled with the same lovely people. And may be its just too early to ask for that. But the doubt "will the lock be ever opened?" really deprives me off my second home. Let me wait for the years to come for answering the question.

Free now?

2008-10-04T09:40:00.000-07:00

well its almost one and half months since i wrote anything in this blog space. Of course its not a daily or weekly magazine, for which people cant wait to grab their own issue. I just put in some crap thing, make people read it and also torture them to comment on it. But for the past few weeks i didnt do that. you know?? i was busy. 24/7 i was at home and online. but still i didnt have time for a single post. well a lot of happenings at that time, which would have given me lot of topics to write for. but still i didnt choose to write. well now i have got a job and most important thing is, i find a lot of time to write posts again. so this is just to start off again. so let me see, of course you people also see if can continue with this start.

The silence which made him talk...

2008-08-03T08:57:00.000-07:00

It was a busy Sunday evening for him. he went to meet his friends and had plans for dinner with them. and it turned out to be the perfect sunday with all fun and frolic. and now its time to go back home. he returned home through bus. it was a long journey. time was half an hour to midnight. since it was too late, part of transportation to his home was not available. so he has to walk for about 15 to 20 minutes in order to reach home. with no other options he walked. just when he was walking a strange feeling took over him.

the roads were usual to him. he was not surprised by its deserted look as it was nearing midnight. but there was a joy in that silence. he was very hapy to walk those roads at that time. he just stopped for a moment to check out the sudden feeling he had at that time. his thoughts were streaming fast to find out what gave him those feelings. and at the end of all the streaming he found out that he is listening to himself rather than concentrating on any other thing or people or sounds.his thoughts and words were in perfect harmony with the environmrnt. the silence gave him time to think of himself, listen to what he wanted to say and walked slowly.

he realized that even though he had a comfortable life, friends, fun and other enjoyable stuffs a time for himself is very precious and he is missing it. and now the time is here. and he really wanted to enjoy the silence. and he did that. and he almost reached his home. and the he was not willing to look at his house. because he will be forced to leave this silenced world of himself and get back to the normal life. last thing he wanted was this time to be eternal. but when he reached his home he came to know that times like that need to come in random and not always. so that sanctity of that feeling will be maintained......

A beginning at the end...........

2008-07-26T10:23:00.000-07:00

The eyes opened up after almost a week. Yeah!! all it can see was bright lights. the scene was so bright that the eyes struggled to keep up with them. but the eyes kept on fighting. it badly needed to see things. and finally it was able to see some swift movements around that place, which were recognized as other human beings.. there were conversations happening in that place. which came to the ears as whispers... then he was able to hear the words which were saying something like " well its in his own will to come out of this". by this time his eyes were little clear and gave him some shaky pictures. and with those pictures and sounds he deciphered that he is in a hospital and in a condition in which medicines wont work anymore and only his own will power can get him back... at that time a voice in his head started to talk....

"well... is it tough for me to get out this? no way. when i was a kid people used to say i was fearless and bold. that's because people have seen me come out of a bore well hole alive and without any tears in my eyes at the age of 5. well that was just an accident. may be something like that happened because it was not in control at that time. now the doctors say its in my hands. so why cant i? just rewind what happened in my life. there were loss of dear one's at my very young age, which i overcame by making new friends and relationships. then i had an education which was smooth. then came the work life. a part of my life which started very well. so with the start of that came a family for me. well when everything was fine in the sail the disaster struck. a hole in the boat. the company crashed and i was left alone in the streets with my family. well i was in need of doing something to save the family. decided to start up my own business with some loans and made a descent living. then what's the point in having a business if u don't get any loss in it.again struggled. by that time i was well prepared for these things. even though it was not a cake walk i was able to make through it."

the voice continued " life was not that easy for me. the ship went through many storms in this journey. but as a sailor i have always enjoyed the trip. no complaints. i have learned from life. its all part and parcel of the game. you will enjoy it if u play it fully. that's what i did. well i can still feel the pain in my heart. not the one caused by any incidents of my life but by some health problem. and here i am lying in this bed with people around me. people who want me back. i can see a pic of my grandson holding my hands and praying for me to get up. well i earned this love of people also. i have lived my life a full circle. it started off with pain and ending with pain. but in between it was a great journey. a journey which i can ever cherish. i have seen it all and i am very content with this life. do i have to come back for a better end than this? well i don't think so....................."

pursuit is all you need....

2008-07-23T10:00:00.000-07:00

Its the story of a small boy who had dreams(there is no big or small dreams, so never mind it) and went on to live it. as he grew up he had various goals set for himself which were directed towards his dream or say what he wants to be. and he is not only good in setting the goals but also in hitting it. of course the goals were score high marks in school whatever the exam is. in short you can call him the king of school. when results are out, people look up to him for knowing their standards. as usual he scored high marks and went on to pursue his favorite course in a top university.

just as he was moving towards his dreams, one more added to his dream account. this new dream was so heavy that he was not able to take it forward. and this dream is nothing but love. you know that butterflies in stomach feeling.?? ya exactly the same. he fell in love with a girl in his college. but he never had the courage to go and tell her about his feelings. so as usual he took steps to be a friend of her. and he succeed in that too. now did he gained any courage to say "i love you". ?? no. as usual there was a internal conflict of losing her friendship.

everything around him moved except him. the sense of incompletion took over him. he found himself lost in thoughts all the time. the thoughts which never brought any conclusions. he decided to open all those things to his close friend(not that girl). and that decision did made a difference in his life. when he opened up things to his friend he came to know that there is a fundamental difference between his dream of getting to that girl and the dream of about his career.

yeah that difference is called pursuit. when he went on to pursue his dreams, everything moved well and he was feeling good. since that pursuit part is missing he had this weighed down feeling.

so the boy came to know about his problem. what happened after that is none of our business. so i better stop here.
cheers :-)

Being god is a tough job... Part 2

2008-07-21T08:37:00.001-07:00

I was just wondering about what kind of job it is. Right from passing an examination to get a rocket launched into the sky we call up on god for help. And the worse case is yet to come. If things don’t happen the way people wanted then god comes under scrutiny. They just start from scolding and goes on to the point where they question the existence of god for failing to help them. May be that’s why the god never shows up in front of anyone. May be he don’t want to risk his life!! Well just think of a job like that, people come to you for help, doubts, strength, money and everything. All these things have to be given to them without expecting any returns. And if they don’t get, you get screwed up. Who on this world will choose that kind of job? May be that’s why god doesn’t exist in this world!!!!

Being god is a tough job... Part 1

2008-07-21T08:35:00.000-07:00

Well suddenly I was made to talk about god. I am a strong believer of god. Even though i don’t worry about religions or idols and other things, I just believe that there is someone called god and he manages things. Whenever I complain about working hard or when people complain about work pressure, I will think of the person whose job is tougher than mine or others. Well I was wondering who could be that person. President of the country or prime minister or who could it be? I desperately wanted to know who that person is. So I just called out loud “Oh God come on just give me a clue on who the person is”. Then the lighting stuck me. Yeah it’s the god whose job is tougher than anyone.

well to start with....

2008-07-20T21:07:00.000-07:00

well to start off with this blog, i thought of explaining to you people
why i kept this name for the blog. but right now i dont think that is needed. because there is a post coming up on that name. that will explain better. but i just wanna make sure one thing. this blog is not religious or something to do with spiritual things. its a general blog in which god will also be dragged in and discussed about. so to start off with i just wanna thank few of my friends who really inspired me into writing.. so here i am kicking off the blog....